Here we go again, @JamieVJB. Over the last 30 odd years I've spent quite some time watching Duran Duran videos, but one always seems to get watched more than the others. Not that I'm shallow or anything, but for purely artistic reasons, Girls on Film seems to sneak it's way onto my television, laptop, PC, iPhone, iPad and into my waking and nocturnal dreams more than any of their other video clips.
Why should this be? Well, today, ladies and gentleman, I shall delve into the depths of why the video from
Girls on Film is not actually a tacky, sleazy and cynical attempt to sell records to pubescent teenagers and sleazy old men, but actually a piece of high art which stands as beacon of civilization in an otherwise savage world.
Now, there are about five versions of this video, but I'm going to concentrate on the one with all the rude
bits left in.
First we should probably look at the background to the video. Duran Duran released Planet Earth, which did
well. Then they released Careless Memories, which did not (I'll get round to these videos later). So, they
needed to make an impact with their third single.
Enter stage left:
Kevin Godley and Lol Creme (ex of 10CC). They decided to make a music video that dealt with the exploitation
of women in the fashion industry, which I'm sure the Band went along with as I'm pretty sure Simon Le Bon
didn't think there had been nearly enough exploitation of women in the fashion industry.
I can't embed the video for Girls on Film, but you should you doubt my powers of descriptive writing, you may watch it by clicking on this link.
So the video starts with a few montage shots of construction workers building a stage and a catwalk, loading cameras, positioning lights and generally doing manly things. You know, like Jamie and Adam do in Mythbusters, but with the added bonus of us getting to see some bare ladies later on in the show.
There is one somewhat incongruous shot of a bloke apparently spray-painting a ring with a can Halfords car touch up paint (probably Vauxhall 'Star Silver' car spray paint, compatible with Vauxhall manufacturer's codes: 88L, 88U, 138, but I'm only guessing).
Sort of inter-cut with this manly section is the bit where we see the band and the models getting ready. This isn't so manly. Frankly, this bit is a bit pointless, no bare ladies. There is a brilliant moment however when Nick uses a a comb disguised as a flick-knife to do his hair. Now, I don't have a problem with this as such, but he is wearing so much hairspray, there is no way in hell he is going to get a comb through his perfectly coiffured black and red back-combed bob.
Believe me, back in the day, I tried (with my own hair, not Nick's, that would be weird).
Now, Andy does get a bit of a look in on this video, but not much of one. He is seen in his final platinum
blonde outing, before he his hair went off the rails somewhat.
John gets more makeup, Simon gets a head-band (so does Nick) and Roger gets to look like he'd rather be about six billion miles away from actually having to appear in a pop video.
I want you to imagine the video as a sort of play, made up of distinct acts, each exploring a different way in which the fashion industry and media exploit women. It's a deep and meaningful artistic construct, which aims to educate, inform and entertain the audience using an almost Hegelian philosophical principle that out of a thesis and its opposed antithesis comes the hardy alloy of a synthesis has a seductive power.
Act One:
Pillow Talk
Two ladies, dressed in very see-through night attire are seen, with their hair in curlers getting made up and then proceeding hand in hand down the catwalk. Lots of camera flash bulbs are going off as enter the stage
area where we see a long striped, horizontal Barber's pole, supported by trestles and covered in shaving cream.
Straddling the aforementioned pole, starting from opposing ends, the girls slide towards the centre and then embrace. This symbolises something, obviously, but I can't quite work out what.
Anyway, gosh, it's getting warm in here...
Sorry, I digress. A very smart young man provides each lady with a pillow, which is nice, wouldn't want them to get uncomfortable, would we? They are very playful ladies, so they have a nice ladylike pillow fight. They do seem to be enjoying it rather a lot, but it does get a little rough and, oh, no! Wardrobe malfunction!
That's the last thing the band would want to see happen. This is terrible.
Then the pillows burst, feathers everywhere, so the girls call the match a draw and share a lovely kiss and wander off backstage (the shot of them doing walking away from the camera, smeared in shaving cream, is in no way sleazy) to cuddle a bit more and pour champagne over each others shirt potatoes.
What is tacky about that? Eh?
Nothing, that's what.
It's art, I tell you, ART.
Act Two:
Sumo!
A very nice lady, who happens to be wearing one of those things sumo wrestlers wear, but coupled with a
delightful (although largely transparent) top has a short bought with a very large gentleman, similarly
attired as a sumo wrestler (without the top, though).
This result of this match should be a foregone conclusion, but impressively, Godley & Creme subvert the viewers expectations and the nice lady executes a Matsuko-Pile manaeuver, forcing the giant sumo onto his back, causing his defeat. She honours her vanquished foe and walks backstage.
Not sleazy or tacky.
It's art, I tell you, ART. ART!
Act Three:
Massage in a bottle.
A professional lady (not that sort, this is not a sleazy video, it is art remember) dressed in a clean, white nurses outfit (with white stockings) approaches the nice Sumo Wrestler gentleman who is awaiting a rub-down after his exertions from the previous act.
She straddles him and gives him a most thorough going over with baby-oil. There is the occasional flash gun going off again, lots of steam and lots and lots of rubbing. Lots of it. And lots of slippery baby oil.
Sorry, got carried away there.
When she's finished massaging the gentleman, she wanders off backstage, satisfied with a job well done. The gentleman lies unconscious on the massage table.
This symbolises... erm.... girl power? Or something.... Anyway, it's art for art's sake. Isn't it?
Act Four:
Ride on Time
A blond lady, dressed in a strange white Annie Oakley costume mounts a muscular black gentleman who's wearing
a horse mask and a thong.
There is a lot of prancing about and a strange wash-down at the end.
All you can say is, times have changed.
But it's all in the name of art, so it's OK. Right?
Act Five:
Baywatch.
A nice lady decides to have a little paddle, wearing a one piece swimming costume and high heels, in a child's paddling pool.
This is potentially a health and safety nightmare waiting to happen, but fortunately she has taken the
precaution of choosing a child's paddling pool with a lifeguard (wearing mirrored aviator sunglasses).
Anyway, she slips and falls backwards into the pool, apparently drowning. The lifeguard comes to her rescue, and administers mouth to mouth resuscitation.
Happily for all this intervention works,demonstrating the value of first aid knowledge. The lady in question
is overcome with gratitude and rewards the lifeguard with a full-on snog-a-thon.
The lifeguard feels quite tired after this and has a lie down in the paddling pool.
Quirky and very artistic. This is art, after all. Art.
Intermission
We now come to a sort of interval where we see the backstage area. Now, this bit is special, so concentrate.
That nice lady was obviously a bit tired and moist after snogging that nice lifeguard man, so she took off
her swim-suit and dried herself off with a hair dryer. Nothing wrong with that, but she did find that pitfall in naked hair-dryer antics, which is, of course, nippular overheating (to use the technical term).
Fortunately for all, she know the cure for that particular ailment and sets it all straight by applying an ice-cube to the effected areola.
Top safety tips and art from Duran Duran then. Winning!
The Final Act:
Mudd's Women.
That nice lady from the paddling pool with the hot nipples, sorry, I meant overheated areola, I do apologise, slip of the nipple, tongue, I meant tongue.
Start again.
The lady from the paddling pool has cooled down now and fancies a spot of mud wrestling with her chum. Now
she doesn't want to get her clothes dirty so she decides to mud wrestle topless, wearing a transparent PVC G-string. The blond lady is a little less bothered by the thought of cleaning her clothes, and so wears a nice swimsuit. Perhaps she uses Persil.
Well these ladies have a lovely time wrestling in the mud.
A lovely, lovely time.
It's not creepy...
Art. It's art. Yes... very artistic, mud wrestling, ladies. Bare ladies....
Sorry, where was I?
Well, the nice lady in the PVC thong won. So she needed to be hosed down. So the nice man who provided the
ladies with pillows in Act one is on hand to help her get all squeaky clean.
Charming.
Artistic and charming.
So, for this video I think we need to look beyond the tawdry tinsel of the glitzy, spangled world of high
fashion, and look at the message beneath. Art has not always been what we think it is today. An object regarded as Art today may not have been perceived as such when it was first made, nor was the person who made it necessarily regarded as an artist or even artisan. Both the notion of "art" and the idea of the "artist" are relatively modern terms.
Many of the objects we identify as art today -- Greek painted pottery, medieval manuscript illuminations, and so on -- were made in times and places when people had no concept of "art" as we understand the term. These objects may have been appreciated in various ways and often admired, but not as "art" in the current sense. Art, lacks a satisfactory definition. It is easier to describe it as the way something is done
"the use of skill and imagination in the creation of aesthetic objects, environments, or experiences that can be shared with others"
So that proves it, It's bloody Art you philistines.
As a coda to this review, I'd like to point out that Simon Le Bon commented in an interview that the scandal of the music video overshadowed the song's message of fashion model exploitation.
Yeah, right-on Simon.
No sign of any latent accordion skills from Andy though.
By the way, there was another version of the video. At the very end the band hold up a banner that says “Some People Will Do Anything To Sell Records"
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